Sports were life for most of my childhood; travel softball, travel soccer, high school athletics. Anything competitive was fun. I fell in love with the game of lacrosse my freshman year in high school. Lacrosse came naturally to me. I also took my first psychology class in high school, I was immediately hooked. I wanted to know so much about the human brain, behavior, people’s experiences and everything in between. I knew very little about mental health at the time, I was just busy living my life, playing multiple sports, hanging out with friends, typical teenage things.

It’s always been a constant battle with my mental health, but I have learned how to monitor my mental health. When I felt overwhelmed or my mind wouldn’t stop racing, I paused everything. Whether it’s taking a 1-2 hour nap or heading straight to bed, I’ve learned that giving my brain time to reset is non-negotiable. This approach saved me during my Fall 2024 semester when I got all A’s and only 1 B from my 11 classes, which made it my best semester while in college. I felt proud not only for the grades but also for the fact that I maintained my mental health through it all. I’ve always been smart, hardworking, and constantly on the go; it’s a blessing that I have so many talents and interests.  

Continued support and growing strength will help me get through it, but it is still hard. If a person you know is experiencing a long term injury, make sure to reach out and try to do something to make them feel connected to your team. Your encouragement is what helps someone persist even in times of doubt.

When I returned to Buffalo, I was met with sympathy and understanding, but I just wanted to be treated normally. I didn’t want special treatment because of what had happened. Thankfully, my coaches respected that and helped me navigate the season with care. Some days, I was able to push through like nothing had happened. Other days, the grief overwhelmed me, and I could barely focus on the game.

College athletics is often glorified as the ultimate goal: a stepping stone for athletes chasing their dreams and a symbol of dedication, discipline, and success. But what most people don’t see, the side rarely talked about, is how quickly that environment can turn toxic when power is abused and control goes unchecked. I want to be clear: I don’t believe all NCAA programs operate this way. There are ones that are supportive and well-run, yet far too many cases like mine remain unspoken, overshadowing the overall picture with a hidden cost.

Since returning to school in February 2025, my focus has shifted to my academic career and my businesses. As spring approaches, I’m hopeful my body will be strong enough to wash cars everyday again, relishing the warmth of the sun on my back again. As the college lacrosse emails sit in my inbox, a big part of me is still torn. There’s a lingering grief over the end of my athletic career, mourning the person I once was and the version of myself I could have become. At times, a wave of sorrow washes over me, accompanied by a sense of defeat, knowing that the younger version of me would be disappointed that I didn’t play DI lacrosse.

Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, I beg you that as a fellow human being, you can feel the pain behind my words and understand the power that your position holds. The power to normalize mental wellness, productive programs, and coaching programming nationwide. The power to take away so much avoidable pain for the student-athlete to allow them to live the life they’ve worked so hard to build. And the power to make lasting change so that when the student-athletes are thrown into the water, they can just have a life vest. 

After everything happened, I began to gain a new perspective on not only my mental health, but other people's as well. I began to talk about my struggles out loud and not be ashamed to say I am not perfect and it is something I deal with. I am not cured, but in my mind, I am learning how to handle things the right way.

There are many questions I’ve heard frequently in my life as an athlete. However, there’s always one question that I hear that leaves people confused when it isn’t answered the way they expected. The question? “You must have a lot figured out! I mean, you’re a Division 1 athlete, that’s enough in itself. There are kids that would kill to be in your position.” The answer? Truthfully, I don’t have it all figured out. I wish I did. However, I have a lot more figured out than I did growing up as an athlete.

In conclusion, mental health in the dance community is a vital conversation that needs to be ongoing. By acknowledging the challenges we face and supporting one another, we can foster a healthier environment for all dancers. Let’s continue to advocate for mental health awareness and create a community where everyone feels empowered to express themselves, both through dance and in their personal lives.